Girls’ Guide to Guys:

Guys like girls who are have perfect figures, gorgeous faces and are totally hot.
Guys date girls who are attractive, approachable and smile a lot. OK, now I know this isn’t very politically correct and I’d love to say guys love girls who are intelligent, feisty and funny but hey, there must be some reason Brad Pitt and Daniel Craig don’t answer my calls.
Most guys prefer slim girls. Sorry but they do.
I said slim, not emaciated size zero freaks.
Given a choice between slim and neurotic or slightly overweight and normal, guys choose normal. Every time. So if you know how many calories are in half a standard sized boiled egg or a single Malteser don’t share this information with him, he’s not interested. Get a life.
Most guys prefer blondes, so if you can go blonde, do so.
I said if you can. If you have naturally very dark hair and skin and you go blonde you will look like you’ve had an awful fright. A few weeks later you will have the dreaded Pint of Guinness hairstyle. Not a good look.
Guys don’t want to talk about diets, shopping or your exes.
Guys want to talk about, guess what. Yeah themselves. Try open ended questions such as, “So tell me, how often do you have to practise football, rugby, ludo, tiddlywinks (whatever) to become as good as you are?”
Remember, there are more important things than boyfriends; like family, friends and chocolate. Not necessarily in that order.

Guys’ Guide to Girls:

Girls like guys who are fit, with an amazing six pack and totally drop dead gorgeous.
Girls date guys who are attractive, funny and don’t smell.
By ‘funny’ I don’t mean ‘tells lots of fart jokes.’ I mean ‘makes us laugh.’
The ‘don’t smell’ part is important so shower often and make frequent use of products like mouthwash and deodorant. This will be appreciated not just by girlfriends but also friends and family. Yes, I know you don’t care about friends and family because you’re not going to snog / have sex with them but still it will be appreciated.
Girls are attracted to guys who are nice but not too nice.
Aaargh! What does that mean? Females are so bloody impossible to understand. Translation please! OK, relax and remember you heard it here first. ‘Nice’ is surprising her with flowers, chocolates (unless she’s on a diet) and perfume occasionally, just to show how special she is. ‘Too Nice’ is spending all your pocket money / salary on taking her out but smiling understandingly when she is an hour and a half late. ‘Way Too Nice’ is still smiling when she tells you at the end of the evening that though she likes you as a friend she doesn’t think of you in ‘that way’ but you two must do this again soon. Got it? Good.
Girls don’t want to talk about farting, computers or your pet name for your willy.
Girls want to talk a lot so let them. Show that you’re listening by nodding in agreement often, making sympathetic noises at the right time, and asking the odd intelligent question. You’ll have to pay attention for this last one so try to focus on what she is saying rather than on her legs, bum, boobs, or worse those of the girl across the room.
When a girl asks for emotional support she means chocolate, flowers and saying exactly the right thing to comfort her. This last is tricky but try, ‘You’re much too good for them darling. People just don’t appreciate/ deserve / value you enough.’ It won’t always work but it’s worth a try. Very much so.
When girls ask for emotional support they don’t mean sex. Except when they do. Got it? I thought not…